Archive for August, 2006

嘿 我要走了 昨天的對白 已不在重要
我已見過最美的一幕 只是在此刻 都要結束


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Today the sky reflects my feelings with its blue colour and sunshine. I took a deep breathe, looked at the sky, I know my life is moving on, no matter it will be better or worse, I have already accumulated a lot of unforgettable momories to bring into a new chapter.
I cannot express my whole feelings to any of my precious friends, they are too good and they protect me very much, they know what is good or bad for me. However, something deep in my heart, especially some feelings of which nobody can understand, I cannot describe. I would say, love is not an easy subject to understand, it consists of too many elements, forgiveness, scarification etc. To this point, one important thing is to love doesn’t mean to own. It is not very easy to accept, as humans are greedy, humans have to be magnificent to understand this point. I am also a human, i am still learning how to live with this theory.
I don’t have any religions, but I could remember in bible it says if someone slap your right(left) face, you should give your left(right) face to that person. I don’t really understand why it teaches people to do this, or what implies in this sentence. To my interpretation, I may not give my left face to be slapped, but defintely I won’t slap back the person. It means I will keep my faith to be innocent, I would prefer being hurt to hurt someone. As if people who hurt somone or is hurt by someone, the feeling is not good anyways.
My first article was talking about fairy tales, about should we still keep fairy tales in our mind to dream, I think now I understand the fairy tales to me do not mean I have to be a role in the fairy tale to which I belong, it can be a fairy tale in someone’s heart and I can be the role which last forever. Again, this may be only my desire, to keep my thinking innocent, why not? Nobody can judge what I could feel from the others, the moment is always true, although if it will last forever is a question mark.

I am totally relieved now, as I thought (my friends as well) I am not wiser at all compare to my young age, however it seems now I indeed have learnt, though I cannot say I am wiser, I understand myself more anyways.

OK..time to go on, find a flatmate, think of what I can do, the page has been turned, the next chapter is waiting for me.

To you, I know you may read this article sometime, i truly wish you all the best. I would never, never forget all good (even bad) moments we have. You are the prince in the fairy tale to which I am the only reader (writer).

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if a person’s life is controlled by fate, should s/he worries about the future?

I am extremely frustrated now, I tried to link something in my past to my current situation, umm..A-level result? It is almost equivalent. However, there are very few moments like this previously, it is definitely one of my hard times in my so far life. I have zero confidence but I still need to fight, it is the tough part, all memories flow overall my brain, they are like talking to each other, fighting and try to locate themselves a stable situation to convince me. The white lie email, the disaster email, the sweet phone call, the tragedy phone call, the cold emails, the sweet talk emails…..memories in Tibet, nightmares in Hong Kong….They are pumping each other, definitely overwhelming my mind..

Fate, if I believe in it, I should relax and enjoy the last moment. Tomorrow is tomorrow, it has to come and go to day after tomorrow.

See, my mind is not functioning at all….HELP
Hopefully I won’t have a heart attack tomorrow….

Wish me Luck , the best one!

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74 hours

I have 74 hours left, in these 74 hours, what can I do to make the time run faster or slower?

In 74 hours, I may hug someone I love or I may slap someone I hate;
In 74 hours, I may go to Malaysia or I may go to France;
In 74 hours, I may have a family or I may seek another family;
In 74 hours, I may accept this world is hopeless or I may feel this world is beautiful;
In 74 hours, I may get some warm from the other or I may get some warm from myself;
In 74 hours, I may have a boyfriend or I may lose a flatmate;
In 74 hours, I may enjoy peaceful time at home or I may go out to look for fun;
In 74 hours, I may call you – my friends to say I am happy to be in love or I may call you -my firends to say I am happy to have freedom;
In 74 hours, my life is changing….

Do I want it faster or slower?

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I am quite outdated, I have Just finished watching Before Sunrise alone at home. It is a short but intensed movie, having so many talk points, some of them are worthwhile thinking, plus the romance part is moving, I tried to recall some touching sentences, seems there are so many, I can’t dot down any…um…I like the one from the girl, talking about her grandmother, the girl thought she had a simple love life happily for her life, however one day the grandmum confessed to her, she spent her whole life thinking of another man whom she was in love with. We always see other people’s good sides, we always think the others are having better lives than ours. However, in this world, how many couples are happy solely?

In the movie, they were supposed to have their only night in Vienna, it sounds so sad, however, is it that bad when compared to the normal route of a typical couple? saying a normal route is being passionate, getting stable, transforming passion to habit, habit to some fights, suddenly cherish the partner again, but similar fights later on again….luckily the couple can last and rely on each other as they cannot rely on anything else; unluckily the couple seperates, they struggle for long time, cry and laugh, back to the same old days.

pict2750.JPG6 months ago, I watched Before Sunset with F on the Valentine’s Day. I didnt know the context of the movie, I wrote something after watching that, F wants them to be together, however, I told him, it is too romantic to let the man stay, afterall, it is not realistic. He was speechless. I couldn’t imagine, after 4 months, the romance turns into reality. However,the reality ruins the romance as well.

C’est la vie… I probably think too much, a bit sentimental, luckily, I don’t see besides myself there are many people reading this boring blog…

One day I must laugh at myself writing this kind of bullshit.

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I have 2 presents for two different people tonight.

First, i will show my sincere to Friend xxx, as I need to speak for her. She told me a funny story, about a girl who she knows recently. The girl who always likes to complain, about her job, her boyfriend, her life, just everything. She feels this world owes her too much, she feels she is too pretty, too smart and too precious and nobody appreciates these. While I sneak into her blog, read one or two articles written by her, haha…I think actually the world doesn’t owe her anything but she has no contribution to this world. She doesn’t cherish people around her, first of all, her boyfriend who has a great patience on this, i would say annoying girlfriend, she just complains he doesn’t care her too much, however, she will never think love never can be counted. Much or less never can be applied on love. Second, her job, she compalins she treats unfairly in her workplace, however, she will never think she is only working for people, if she wants people to work for her, please wait until she was Stanley Ho. Third, She feels her friends around her are all bad, are all stupid and less educated, however, she will never think in fact the one who likes to criticize people is the one who is less educated or badly behaved, no matter that person can speak so-called fluent English or native Mandarin, as she is lacking of a basic manner: respectfulness.

Well, I am not saying I am perfect to judge someone, I hardly know this girl, I just feel I can learn from her, I can alert myself not to behave as her.

My friend, you would know who she is, I hope my words make a day for you, sweetie!

Oh..sorry, I got to correct a sentence above about she doesnt have a contribution. She did, she has set up a very good example for me not to follow, just like those ETV we watched at childhood, the bad character who deserved something bad (like tortured by king of bacteria or so). So we all were scared, and not to eat unclean food or not to tease peers around us.

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I need to blah blah about my experience in getting on minibuses. Today, I lined up as usual for minibuses to Central. Minibuses going to Causeway stop there as well, people therefore go to different locations will line up the same queue. A minibus to Causeway approached and stopped right at the stop.I stood at the same position while some people would go to the front to get on. This is fine. Meanwhile, another minibus came and it was going to Central. However due to the first one hadn’t left, it stopped after this. The position was somewhere in middle of the queue.

Then an unpleasant thing happened. The driver didn’t care if the minibus wasn’t at the stop, he opened the door to let passengers get in. People in the middle of the queue immediately jumped into the bus, disregarded the passengers who were at the front. I was about to move and squeezed into the crowd, but I didn’t act at the end, it was meaningless to fight with those people while they were already getting on.

I was pissed, though I was not in a hurry. There are a lot of rules in this society, people seem to follow but once there is a grey area, they would just consider themselves. If the line doesn’t mean a line anymore, why do we follow? If a person jumps the queue, others must speak out. However like the case I wrote, people cannot even say a word, as it is a grey area, were they jumping the queue? Sounds not, they could say “the bus stopped in front of them, do I need to consider you, a stranger, if you want to get on that bus?” So can I blame on the driver as he shouldn’t have opened the door while bus wasn’t at the right place? Sounds not again, he could say”Hey, my job is to let passengers get on, is this a problem if I open the door?”

So this situation, who is wrong? the driver, the passengers, or the rule?? We can always improve the rules, like seperating the bus stop lines, or so, however, how can we improve the discipline of people for fundemental? If people behave well, we even do not need those rules…

Luckily I was not too grumpy to ruin the rest of my day. I treated this “c’est la vie” and waited for the next one. IT IS ME….

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